Caution When You Scold

( [email protected] ) Oct 27, 2003 10:18 AM EST

It’s really hard not to scold kids. They just do so many things that we don’t approve of and that sometimes we cannot bear or tolerate. Although scolding can sometimes be an effective parenting, or teaching, method, there is wrong and right way to scold.

Avoid screaming and yelling

There are times when it is imperative that you raise your voice to emphasize what your child did was really really really bad so he will never do it ever again, but always using that approach every time your child does something wrong is advised. All your loud-voice chiding will only make a child grow more numb to your parenting each time. They will simply learn to tune your voice out. Only raise your voice when it’s absolutely necessary. It is important that you reflect whether you are yelling because you care or out of rage. Some parents vent their stress by yelling at their kids. Show them you care for them and really sit them down to explain to them what they did was wrong and why.

Care not Control

Instead of blurting out commands as if we were directing them to a pet such as a dog, try sugar-coating the way you say things. Remember, you are scolding them because you care not because you want to control them. Instead of “Don’t touch that!”, try “Oh no, no, honey, we don’t want to touch that or it might fall.”

Indignation not Rage

Remember, you are scolding them because you love them dearly and want them to grow up as well-mannered as possible. If your child does something completely out of line, scold showing how upset you are because you care deeply about how his actions affect him personally and others around him. Make sure the things you say are not out of rage and accumulating annoyance and irritation.

Scolding is judgment and judgment falls harsh on everyone, even adults with the most modest heart, so think how much more painful it is for a child. Remember above all things is to scold with love and teach with faith that your child will change. Scolding with an overly disappointed tone may cause the child to feel useless and cause the child to give-up changing his ways entirely. However, scolding with the heart and attitude of love will show your child that you love don’t love him any less, but has faith that he can become better. And last thing: kids are only kids.