Michelle Qureshi, the wife of late apologist Nabeel Qureshi, has opened up about God's faithfulness in the days following her husband's death and expressed confidence that He will "use this death to a more glorious end than we would have seen if Nabeel were still alive."
In a video update titled "A More Glorious End," Michelle, who shares a daughter, Ayah, with her late husband, said that while she didn't anticipate making a video, she felt compelled by the Holy Spirit to share what He has been teaching her over the past week.
As reported, Nabeel, a Muslim convert to Christianity who previously served with Ravi Zacharias International Ministries, passed away last week at 34 after a year-long battle with stomach cancer.
Michelle first thanked everyone who has prayed for her family: "I am seeing through your generosity and faithfulness just pieces of the generosity and faithfulness of our God," she said.
She said she's chosen not to place upon herself the burdens associated with the terms "widow" and "single mom," instead identifying herself as a "Child of the Most High King."
"These terms in and of themselves are not bad things, [but] they have a lot of negative connotations," Michelle explained. "So while, yes, I will use them on official paperwork and for communications as descriptors, what I really want to focus on, what God has really helped me to focus on first and foremost, is that I am a child of the Most High King, and He provides for the needs that are associated with those descriptors."
She added, "It's that identity that I can find security despite my circumstances."
Michelle revealed that in June, when Nabeel began to experience "really intense pain" and was subsequently hospitalized, she began to feel "less like his wife" and "more like just his caregiver."
"My expectations of Nabeel began to be exposed," she admitted. "So, as I was crying out to God during that time, He reminded me of how Scripture says, 'My God will supply all of your needs according to the glorious riches in Christ Jesus.' That has been true all of my life. But to hear it now and to realize, moving forward, since God does not change...He will continue to supply all of my needs."
"He just allowed Nabeel to be a conduit for a period of time," she said. "And that was a privilege, it's not a right of mine to have a husband. And, all along, even when I wasn't really seeing it that way, God was supplying the needs -- sometimes through Nabeel -- but ultimately, it was God. So now, even when Nabeel is no longer here, God is still here, and God is still supplying. His word doesn't change, He doesn't change."
While she is finding her strength and security in God, it doesn't mean she isn't wrestling with questions, Michelle said.
"There's a lot I don't know," she said. "But what I do know is that God is big enough to handle our questions, and He's compassionate enough to lead us to deeper and greater truths...The important thing is, even when I don't know, God is big enough. Even though I don't know, He's compassionate enough, and He can lead me through the wrestling. He's big enough for me to wrestle with these things."
While God is in control, He's also good, said Michelle: "I don't understand why...but I don't need to," she said. "And even if God told me why, I would probably not be able to grasp...His reason with my finite mind, because He is God...and I am one tiny little thread on a tapestry."
Moving forward, Michelle said she's asking God, "What now, Lord?"
"He has a plan, and I want to be a part of it," she said. "Somehow, His plan is going to bring much greater glory than the plan I had in mind because that's what He's about, glorifying Himself."
Throughout Nabeel's illness, Michelle prayed for healing. After he passed away, it was seven days before his burial, and during this time, Michelle said she "prayed for resurrection."
"I said, 'I'm going to continue to pray for resurrection as long as Nabeel's body is above the ground,'" she said. "So, when his body was below the ground and the time of closing, the time of battling for Nabeel's life was over, this thought came to me: I am fully convinced that God will use this death to a more glorious end than we would have seen if Nabeel were still alive."
She added, "Nothing has changed about God's character. He's still sovereign, good, and trustworthy. The whole reason we exist is to bring Him glory, and when we do so, we are stepping into the best life we can possibly imagine."
"I am disciple of Christ," she continued. "I choose to be obedient to what He says...I don't have everything ironed out, I just know I don't regret a moment of what we did. I would do it all over again, regardless of having this outcome."
She expressed confidence that God can redeem death itself: "It's not beyond God to redeem, it's not beyond God to use death for His greater purposes of glorifying Himself and showing His love the world He created," she said. "We just need to ask for the ability to set our eyes on things above, set our minds on things above - not on things that are on the earth. Letting God teach us to see things from a spiritual versus purely physical perspective."
Michelle said she doesn't claim to have all the answers, but she prays that others who may be experiencing "similar tragic, challenging, unbelievably, gut-wrenching circumstances" will remember that it's okay to wrestle with those things. However, do so "with your eyes on Jesus as opposed to the wind and the waves."
She concluded: "Because when you fix your eyes on Jesus, He leads you, He loves you so, so much, and He is ready to draw near to you when you draw near to him."
