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Surviving Beslan Muslim Jihadist Who Murdered 186 Christian Children: 'I Don't Feel Guilty'

( [email protected] ) Sep 03, 2014 05:53 PM EDT

Beslan School Massacre
The only surviving terrorist of those who attacked Beslan’s school number 1, Nurpashi Kulaev, reads letters from victims’ families. (Screenshot from RT's video)

September 1-3 2014 commemorates the the Beslan school siege, a horrific terrorist attacks carried out in Russia ten years ago in which 300 people died, including 186 Christian children. As Russia remembers the bloody massacre, Nurpashi Kulaev, the lone surviving Muslim jihadist who took part in the slaughter, says he feels no guilt over his actions.

"I don't feel guilty that women and children died. ... But I can say neither I nor anyone else could have saved them. Because the decisions were made by other people," Kulaev told RT.

RT reports that in September of 2004, 1,128 Beslan children, teachers and parents were celebrating the first day of school when they were taken hostage by terrorists who placed explosives around the school.

During the three day siege, 334 people were killed and more than 700 people were wounded, according to BBC News. The 32 terrorists involved in the attack were said to be followers of Chechen warlord Shamil Basayev or an international terrorist organization.

Kulaev says he doesn't feel regret as he was following orders made by his leader, and was unaware that his group would be attacking a school. However, when given a choice between the children and himself,Kulaev chose himself.

"They were in charge. Let them do what they want. I did what I had to do, that's all. ... Why should I have [objected to going to the school]? They would've killed me first," he said.

Kulaev said that has received many letters from parents of the slaughtered children characterizing him as the devil. Although he refused to share the letters with reporters, he recounted one particular question asked of him by a mother.

"She asked me if I want my kids to be like me. I'd really like them to be like me, sure. ... But I don't want them to share my fate. I wouldn't want that. But I'd only be happy if they really were like me," he said.

Susanna Dudieva, whose son, Zaur, died in the attack, recalled the devastation she felt identifying her son's body in the morgue.

"As I entered, I only saw his heels but I knew it was Zaur. ... I went up to him. His chest was wounded. It was broken. I could see his bones and, as far as I understand, I saw his heart. He was so handsome. His face was untouched. His hands and head were a little burned, but nothing else was wounded. Just his chest and head," she said.

Although Kulaev is unrepentant for his actions, Alevtina Luchnikova, the senior psychologist at the penal colony where Kulaev is being held, says the terrorist certainly feels pain over the massacre.

"When I talked to him, he confessed he often has nightmares. He sees blood coming from the walls," she said.

"A terrorist's logic is distorted. ... It's based on emotions, there's no common sense left. They believe in some mission based on some religion which is also distorted. I don't know any religion that would approve of murdering children," she explained.