Hillsong NYC Pastor Carl Lentz on 4 Most Important Things to Remember about Marriage

May 22, 2017 11:59 AM EDT

Hillsong NYC pastor Carl Lentz -- also known as Justin Bieber's pastor -- has shared the four most important things he's learned from 14 years of marriage to his wife, Laura.

In an Instagram post, Lentz shared a throwback photo of Laura, thanked God for his wife of over a decade, and reflected on "4 things about marriage after 14 years of trial, error, wins, losses and A LOT of adventure."

First, the The One: Experience Jesus author said marriage is simple - but simple doesn't mean easy.

"Simply love, respect and honor how you want to be loved, respected and honored..can't live by the 'silver rule' and expect gold in return!" he wrote.

Second, Lentz said that marriage is a choice -- not a feeling.

"Nobody 'falls out of love,'" he explained. "They choose to stop loving. Nobody falls out of a marriage. They choose to stay in it. Your wedding day vows are actually just daily choices disguised with overpriced cake and a DJ...a wedding is one day. Marriage is every day!"

Third, marriage is a war - against your selfish nature: "Every day THAT dies a little, is a day our marriage LIVES, a little more," the pastor said

Finally, marriage is "HOT".. should you choose to feed that fire, said the father-of-three.

"If a fire is losing heat, all you have to do is throw some new things on it, and it will burn again," he contended. "This particular fire? Has to be guarded, has to be cultivated and needs constant attention.. my wife needs warmth. I want to eliminate the need for her to have to visit any other fires, ever, by making sure 'it's hot at home..' I'll leave that right there."

He concluded with a message for his wife: "Thanks for being the easiest, most gracious person on earth, to be married too... you love Jesus more than me. Thank you for that. I can't pursue you, without pursuing Him...I love you, and I'm just getting to know you..I don't deserve you, but I sure am glad I get to do this life with you..Love you, girl."

According to the Hillsong NYC website, Laura and Carl Lentz met at Hillsong College in Australia, and Laura pastors the church alongside her husband.

Like her husband, Laura is often seen spending time with several well-known members of the Hillsong NYC congregation, including Bieber and model Hailey Baldwin. She also regularly posts photos of her husband to her Instagram page and, earlier this month, shared an image of their wedding day.

She captioned the photo: "14 years ago today, I walked down the aisle and said "I DO"... @carllentz I love you! #iddoitalloveragain #wemadeit."